Happy Birthday! New Diagnosis and Treatment Plan PART I
You couldn't pay me any amount of money to go back to High School, I hated it. Didn't really see the purpose. I figured why not just bypass HS all together and head straight to College. I struggled with finding myself in high school. I really didn't have a good idea of what I believed to be true, and if I believed it, why I believed it. I also struggled with finding out what was most important to me, in a nebulous non-spiritual sense. I remember distinctly having a conversation with a guy I was dating fairly seriously at the time, and he mentioned that when we had kids , did it really matter what we raised them to believe...hmmm....pretty telling of where I was at spiritually. I guess you could say, I truly had no clue.
I played a lot of sports in HS, pretty much tried whatever sport wasn't during soccer season. I ran cross country, played field hockey, gymnastics, swam and dove...anything to keep myself from getting bored. I had friends, but one's who could only know me as well as I knew myself. Which wasn't very well at all. Most of my relationships were very superficial. Relationships that wouldn't necessarily stand the test of time. But again, how could they, I was in a confused place. And it seems to me, that the friendships that began so long ago in HS, the ones that actually grew deeper ,only grew as a result of me becoming true to who I am and what I believe.
I guess, now that I sit in my 40 year old big girl pants, I realize i'm still doing the very same things to varying degrees. Not struggling with identity and wholeness, Jesus game me that, but never being afraid to try something new or forge in uncharted territory, ....unless it's my hubby's idea. Then call the freakout patrol because, this lady puts her head in the sand and won't budge.
But college, college was my jam. I loved it! I loved the learning, and the living and the lives I met while I was there. I have such fond memories of college life, like shopping and eating hot pockets with one of your besties because they were budget friendly. Only to realize too late that once you 'out grow' college life you will never be able to stomach the thought of eating them ever again. Yep, I would go back in a heartbeat, even without compensation!!
I learned so much in college about myself as a person. About my identity in Christ and my purpose in life. It was my 'greenhouse' growth period. It's when Jesus became more to me than any of my failures or mistakes ever could.
Up until Jesus saved this sister, I struggled daily, even hourly with bulimia. It began in my sophomore year of HS and continued through my freshmen year of college. Don't get me wrong, the desire or compulsion to binge didn't just go away, any truth be told, it pops it's ugly head up every now and then. But through Christ I had and still have victory over this area of my life. And He helped me to heal from the emotional and physical ramification of such a damaging illness. He brought so much healing.
Jesus came into my life my freshmen year of college. There was another student knocking on doors in the dorm on my floor, telling people about Jesus. Of course, in my mind, I already knew Jesus. I was raised knowing Jesus. But what I didn't know was that Jesus wasn't a Santa Claus-like Father in the sky waiting to answer my every prayer and request when it was convenient for me. He wasn't someone I only needed to call when I needed something from Him. He wanted a relationship with me. He had so much more for me than my supposed 'life insurance' plan to heaven. He wanted all of me. Not just me on Sunday, but me every day of the week. I was a sinner, every hour of every day, in need of grace, His grace. He died for me. He set me free from sin. So that I could have a relationship with my creator, the one who formed me, who is familiar with all my ways and loves me. I am so thankful for crazy Jesus people who come presenting the true gospel. Not the gospel of convenience.
I would have called myself a Christian at that point in my life ("Cultural Christian"), but my true conversion, my true change came when I took on what Christ did for me at the cross. He forgave all my sins, past, present and future, died for them and defeated death on the third day. Not so that I will have a stress free, easy life, without problems. But so that I will know that without a doubt HE is the one who carries me throughout those times, gives me immeasurable peace and strength to endure and continues to grow my heart to reflect more of His character and less of mine.
It's funny to think that I am becoming a more true form of myself when I surrender myself and am able to reflect more of God's character.
Wow, this is a lot longer than I had planned.
So now post college, post 30s, I have been diagnosed with Lyme Disease. It makes sense now that I'm able to put the pieces together. But prior to this DX, i had NO idea what was wrong with me.
I also have Hashimotos, markers for lupus and anemia, IBS, polycystic ovarian syndrome, blah blah blah. It sounds ridiculous doesn't it. BUT it could be worse. It is worse for so many others out there struggling with Lyme and their many secondary diagnosis. So in the next post I will tell you how this all came about. But it's comforting, in an odd way to know why i've been feeling like crap for so long. And a big thank you to my hubby for making the appointment as a birthday present because he knew I couldn't handle all this craziness anymore.
Until next time friends! Thanks for reading. AND i'm not editing this, bc, ain't no body got time for that, so read it with your ability to self correct my mistakes!! hugs!!
I played a lot of sports in HS, pretty much tried whatever sport wasn't during soccer season. I ran cross country, played field hockey, gymnastics, swam and dove...anything to keep myself from getting bored. I had friends, but one's who could only know me as well as I knew myself. Which wasn't very well at all. Most of my relationships were very superficial. Relationships that wouldn't necessarily stand the test of time. But again, how could they, I was in a confused place. And it seems to me, that the friendships that began so long ago in HS, the ones that actually grew deeper ,only grew as a result of me becoming true to who I am and what I believe.
I guess, now that I sit in my 40 year old big girl pants, I realize i'm still doing the very same things to varying degrees. Not struggling with identity and wholeness, Jesus game me that, but never being afraid to try something new or forge in uncharted territory, ....unless it's my hubby's idea. Then call the freakout patrol because, this lady puts her head in the sand and won't budge.
But college, college was my jam. I loved it! I loved the learning, and the living and the lives I met while I was there. I have such fond memories of college life, like shopping and eating hot pockets with one of your besties because they were budget friendly. Only to realize too late that once you 'out grow' college life you will never be able to stomach the thought of eating them ever again. Yep, I would go back in a heartbeat, even without compensation!!
I learned so much in college about myself as a person. About my identity in Christ and my purpose in life. It was my 'greenhouse' growth period. It's when Jesus became more to me than any of my failures or mistakes ever could.
Up until Jesus saved this sister, I struggled daily, even hourly with bulimia. It began in my sophomore year of HS and continued through my freshmen year of college. Don't get me wrong, the desire or compulsion to binge didn't just go away, any truth be told, it pops it's ugly head up every now and then. But through Christ I had and still have victory over this area of my life. And He helped me to heal from the emotional and physical ramification of such a damaging illness. He brought so much healing.
Jesus came into my life my freshmen year of college. There was another student knocking on doors in the dorm on my floor, telling people about Jesus. Of course, in my mind, I already knew Jesus. I was raised knowing Jesus. But what I didn't know was that Jesus wasn't a Santa Claus-like Father in the sky waiting to answer my every prayer and request when it was convenient for me. He wasn't someone I only needed to call when I needed something from Him. He wanted a relationship with me. He had so much more for me than my supposed 'life insurance' plan to heaven. He wanted all of me. Not just me on Sunday, but me every day of the week. I was a sinner, every hour of every day, in need of grace, His grace. He died for me. He set me free from sin. So that I could have a relationship with my creator, the one who formed me, who is familiar with all my ways and loves me. I am so thankful for crazy Jesus people who come presenting the true gospel. Not the gospel of convenience.
I would have called myself a Christian at that point in my life ("Cultural Christian"), but my true conversion, my true change came when I took on what Christ did for me at the cross. He forgave all my sins, past, present and future, died for them and defeated death on the third day. Not so that I will have a stress free, easy life, without problems. But so that I will know that without a doubt HE is the one who carries me throughout those times, gives me immeasurable peace and strength to endure and continues to grow my heart to reflect more of His character and less of mine.
It's funny to think that I am becoming a more true form of myself when I surrender myself and am able to reflect more of God's character.
Wow, this is a lot longer than I had planned.
So now post college, post 30s, I have been diagnosed with Lyme Disease. It makes sense now that I'm able to put the pieces together. But prior to this DX, i had NO idea what was wrong with me.
I also have Hashimotos, markers for lupus and anemia, IBS, polycystic ovarian syndrome, blah blah blah. It sounds ridiculous doesn't it. BUT it could be worse. It is worse for so many others out there struggling with Lyme and their many secondary diagnosis. So in the next post I will tell you how this all came about. But it's comforting, in an odd way to know why i've been feeling like crap for so long. And a big thank you to my hubby for making the appointment as a birthday present because he knew I couldn't handle all this craziness anymore.
Until next time friends! Thanks for reading. AND i'm not editing this, bc, ain't no body got time for that, so read it with your ability to self correct my mistakes!! hugs!!
Oh gosh girl!!! I know this isn’t really appropriate to say, I’m so happy for you...but......I know a diagnosis is key to feeling better, and feeling hopeful and ....eventually better ��all the hugs and prayers for you!!! I have a very close friend that was finally diagnosed a few years ago and she struggles but she has been through every treatment known to man and she can finally participate in life again. She’s doing great!!!!! She’s got quite the story and is going a pretty natural route as much as possible so if you ever feel like you’d like to contact her she’d be happy to Answer any questions about any of it. �� all the hugs and prayers for you friend!
ReplyDelete